CSHM-Write it Wednesday 10-17-12

A little girl in braids, bags packed, awaiting the arrival of her hero. Her missing piece. Her dad. Hours had passed since he was to arrive. Only to hear the phone ring, and her heart would sink. Disappointed again.

It's been years.

Decades.

Since she knew what love from a man was. Not the intimate, sexual kind of love. The kind of love that loves with no bounds. Thats loves with their full heart. Who is proud of who she is, despite her many short comings. The love of a man who is never supposed to let you down.

Her life has been full of failed expectations by men. So why should this one be any different?

Never knowing even the comfort of a reassuring hug from a father when life got rough. Never hearing how special you are from the man who is supposed to be the only man who sees you are special from the moment you come from the womb.

So how does this man count? How does what he say differ from the man whose words were once gold, until time to cash in. Being let down for over 20 years? From a man who you've known only a sliver of time in your exsistance?

"I love you." He said.

She heard his words, and knew they were real, but could not bring herself to believe them. For they were familiar and followed by nothing but a blind alley. Should she believe him? Could letting down the wall again bring familiar sorrow?

Something told her this time would be different. Something told her. He is not what she knew of.

1..... 2..... 3......

I believe.

If you can't accept me for who I am...

If you can't accept me for who I am, then you may as well just say adios....

That is said a lot.

I know I have said it.

But the more I have learned in trying to be a better version of who I am, I have noticed how selfish that statement is.

I am blunt. I am honest. If you don't like that.... oh well.

Or maybe... I should learn to adjust my honesty?

Should we just throw people's critiques to the wind because they are trying to "change who you are"?

Or should we listen to people and what they say and learn from that.

Not "change" who you are, but GROW from the statement.

So many people REFUSE to change saying "I won't let anyone tell me who I am and how I can act/talk/etc."

Have YOU said that?

I know I have.

The whole, "I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I'm not"....

Thats not saying don't change.... thats saying dont be fake.

Growing and bettering who you are isn't fake or allowing others to control you.

It drives me nuts when people don't return phone calls or are late and people say, "Well, you know how (insert name here) is." And we just accept the bad behavior...

SOOOO afraid the person will feel hated or judged for being called out on how their actions makes someone else feel....

In saying this... I am sure everyone is well aware of my life altering choice to become a better person. Being nicer, being kind. Helping fellow man over myself and extending a hand to those I really want to slap (HEY, I am a work in progress, people!)....

If we all just sit back and take the bad things people say about you and ignore the hatred behind the comment and really examine the statement, perhaps you may find the good in the bad. The lesson in it.

Perhaps there is hope for me (aka, the B*tch, the judgemental Christian, the pushy one) yet. ;-)