Today, people I love VERY much lost those very close to them. I never felt a big of a loss as when my Grandpa Louis passed and to this day, its hard to think of him without missing him incredibly.
My Grandpa was definately a one of a kind man. Passionate about music, his drums, but most of all, his family. He took his family very seriously and focused all of his might on us being a close family with love and family warmth all around us.
He was a heck of a guy. Stubborn to the nail. I think I got some of that from my Garcia side. :-) At his funeral, we played "My Way" by Old Blue Eyes and it was SO perfect for my Grandpa.
Makes me think of what people will remember of me when I am gone. I pray daily that my kidneys will last and I wake up from the operating table on transplant day with a smile and the knowledge that everything is gonna be ok. But I am a realist. And as much as I try to focus on the positive, the scary outcome often creeps up on me.
What will I be remembered for?
I feel like people often judge me as being a "hard person to like" and aggressive. As much as I feel I am a loving person, I can't seem to shake the way people don't like my personality. How I sometimes say things I shouldn't. And how I would rather be hated for standing by my beliefs and ideas than be liked for something I am not.
Don't get me wrong. I don't want to be hated. I want everyone to like me. See my softie side, but even I cant seem to let that down in front of most people. Even some people I call my friends.
I just pray that what I am trying to say and be doesnt get lost behind my aggressive and over-bearing personality. I have tried different ways to "be nicer" and I kinda suck at it. I am sure more than a couple of you will be glad to point that out.
Death always makes me think of what I will leave behind. What my memory will be and all I pray is its of hope, strength and a swift kick of tough love.
As much as my Grandpa was stubborn and made me do chores when I said I was bored. I remember us listening to music. I remember him yelling, "Jer-nean-ah! I made you some waffles!" When I would go stay with my grandparents in Springtown. His smile, His dippity-do and his aftershave,. And my favorite, the way he would look out into the backyard when he was thinking.
I hope everyone will remember the good in me whenever God decides to take me. And I hope thats not for a very long time. When Keith and I are old and gray and asleep in out bed and Abi is financially set with the man of her dreams and in love like her mommy and daddy were.
Ok. Enough sap. Go hug those you love and show them how much you love them EVERYDAY.
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